HASANIHARRIS "TRYINNOT2DIE" ALBUM REVIEW
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Album art for tryinNOT2die by hasaniHarris.
Who are you trying not to die for? This is the question that persists throughout the entirety of hasaniHarris’ album tryinNOT2die. The 10-track project was written and composed by Hasani, mixed and mastered by Ozzy the Painter, and features Oknice, Xenai, and Love, Ulysses. The album as a whole seamlessly transitions in and out between music and audio clips that encapsulate or expand on the meanings behind each song. Hasani’s poetic lyrics and somber tone compliment the lo-fi piano-driven instrumentals. As said by Hasani during the album’s creation, “I was deeply suicidal, depressed, anxious and felt like I had zero control over anything. I was trapped, and the only way I knew how to make my way out that was to make music.”
hasaniHarris is a hip-hop music artist/poet originally from Minnesota, currently residing in Southside Chicago. tryinNOT2die is based on his struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts, which worsened during quarantine, and how they relate to his pursuit of freedom as a black bisexual man. In Hasani’s words, “This album was created for black people who struggle with mental health and have found it hard to (do) just about anything this year besides be on guard and protect black lives.”
tryingNOT2die is an emotional and brave body of work that symbolizes the pursuit of freedom, love and self-acceptance. The album artwork is simple, yet effective. In it, we see Hasani lying curled up, naked across his bedsheet, holding onto himself as he sleeps. This image is very apropos to the overall theme behind the music as Hasani is presenting as deeply vulnerable – exposing his demons and letting go of trauma that’s ailed him for so long. A true artist gives us a window into their soul, and hasaniHarris accomplishes that with tryinNOT2die.
The intro track, “can you mend?” features a slowed-down version of Al Green’s “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart,” and perfectly sets up the theme of self-healing before transitioning into the next track, “does it really matter?”. In this song, Hasani questions if life is really worth living while the world is crumbling all around him. The beat gives off a feeling of apathy while Hasani discusses issues that have been bothering him, along with feelings of being lost and hopeless. The most poignant line of the song is “If this is who I am, why the f**k I hate it so much?” The song ends with an altered excerpt from Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and Freddy Mercury singing the lyrics, “nothing really matters to me”.
“(smokebreak)” has the first of three features on the album. The vocal harmonies on the track are haunting and never cease to give me chills upon each listen. OKnice delivers one of the best features of 2020 with his masterful lyricism. One part that really stuck out was the line,
“People showing too much love, it probably means they hate you.
Turning up their noses if you ain’t gonna make the same moves.
Self-righteous nature ain’t gonna be what can save you.”
“wanna die?” begins with a lovely feature from Xenai, hansaiHarris’ wife. The hook embodies the entire meaning of the song with the simple, yet thought-provoking statement,“Everybody wanna be a n***a, don’t nobody wanna die.” This line speaks volumes to the current state of America, more specifically, White America, which has always appropriated black culture. Despite White America’s fascination with black culture, no one wants to deal with the hardships and trauma that being black in America bring. The track ends with a fitting clip from Dave Chappelle’s “8:46” video where the death of George Floyd and its repercussions are discussed.
The next song, “feeling myself?” discusses the frustrations of living in a pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement, and the realization of human dependency. One line that struck me was, “Why I gotta use your hands to get a feel of myself?”
Love, Ulysses makes an appearance for the album’s final feature: “(smokebreak pt. 2).” Here, Love, Ulysses delivers a wonderful performance that shares his thoughts on insecurity and dependency.
The following track is Hasani’s most heartfelt and personal song on the album. “free?” portrays his attempt to let go of all his trauma in order to move forward: “Free is not dying of a mind-state. I’ve been trying not to kill myself, that’s why I’m late.” In this song, Hasani also discusses his first physical encounter with someone of the same sex and how his father’s disapproval scarred him, which ultimately ruined his relationship with that person. Hasani questions how he can be free if he isn’t allowed to truly and openly be himself.
Following “free?” is an homage to Bill Withers who unfortunately passed in March of 2020. The track features an altered snippet from his song “Make A Smile for Me,” which is a very fitting follow-up to the previous track.
The final two tracks, “Inshallah” and “stilllive,” are the most upbeat songs of the album and symbolize Hasani’s climb out of depression. “Inshallah” (‘good faith’ in Arabaic) feels like Hasani’s turning point from being depressed and apathetic about the future, to feeling appreciation for the little things in life. “Stilllive” brings more of the same energy and reminds us that being alive is a blessing in today’s world. This song serves as a perfect ending for the album, symbolizing the personal growth Hasani has undergone this year and the trauma he’s overcome. The track ends with the sound of Hasani finally opening the door and going outside, leaving all the stress and depressive thoughts behind.
tryinNOT2die is an auditory art exhibit that takes the listener on a musical journey of one man’s struggle with depression and suicide and the realization that addressing and challenging these thoughts can help experience personal growth. We’ve been blessed with a lot of great music in 2020, but this project is truly not one to sleep on!
(Melodic Noise) “How long have you been making music for?”
(HH) “I’ve been recording music since around 2012. I started when, um, my man Tony wanted to record his album. I had a MacBook and Garageband, so I got all the stuff to make that happen and started sound engineering and recording myself in the process. I’ve been writing lyrics and trying to make music since about 2009.”
(MN) “When did you begin performing live on stage?
(HH) “Probably 2016. I was an actor and spoken word poet prior to that, so I’ve been on stages actively since maybe 2006.”
(MN) “Would you say you were pretty comfortable with it? Did it feel like the same environment as your spoken word and everything?”
(HH) “It felt completely different because I’ve never been comfortable on stage performing a poem. When I’m doing music, there’s, like, the other elements. I can start playing a song and set the mood with like an instrumental, and it’s happening and everybody is kind of like there with me, and the fact that everyone on the same note and vibe, they can’t really avoid that unless they’re completely not paying attention. When everybody is looking at me on stage, that is my moment and they’re on my wave, so it’s easier to get lost in that than it would be for a poem.”
(MN) “Do you visit Minnesota a lot? Were you born and raised in Minnesota?”
(HH) “That’s my home state. Born in Regions Hospital, Saint Paul. Raised both sides of the river, spent a decent amount of time on both sides of the river.”
(MN) “So you grew up and St. Paul?”
(HH) “Yup, right next to the Xcel Energy Center before it was there.”
(MN) “When’s the last time you were back?”
(HH) “I went back for, like, early November and that was the first time I was back in over a year but prior to that I probably went back probably like once every two months because I was working painting gigs and I would end up back there, randomly catch a show, hang out with the homies and whatnot.”
(MN) “Who are some of your favorite Twin Cities artists that you’re currently tuning into?”
(HH) “The one that I’ve been connecting with the most that I enjoy has been A.K.A. Kobi. His last project, American Ego$, just blew me off my feet. Dude was rappin’ rappin’!”
(MN) “He can rap for days, man!”
(HH) “And he’s got more stuff coming out, I’m just like, ‘bro, you gotta calm down!’” *laughs*
(MN) “He’s putting in work! He’s got an open mic here every month at a record store out in St. Paul.”
(HH) “I connected with him before I left for Chicago, so that’s how we met each other, but he posted something about his album and he was like, ‘Yo, I’m not even gonna front, I had the best local album of 2020 and done hiding that!’ This was during my promo run so I’m feeling cocky too so I’m like, ‘Yo man, I’m about to drop something that’s gonna blow n***a’s minds!’ *laughs* Then I listen to it and I hit him back and I was like, ‘Uhh I apologize. I actually think your album is better than mine so thank you for making art, I hope we can collab soon.’” *chuckles*
(MN) “Have you been in contact with OKnice recently? I know he did that feature (on your album), which has got to be one of my favorite features of last year. I know you guys were tight back in the day. He keeps blowing my mind with his creativity.”
(HH) “I just don’t know how and where he gets it from. He’s always been a phenomenal writer. We connected back when we were both in the spoken word scene and were doing poetry together and even when he wrote poetry he had bars. I think we both have consistently kept our own styles because I like to tell stories and I did a lot of story-telling in my poetry and he was literally like punch-line dude. He had a concept and would be just like, bar, bar, bar! *laughs* It was less structures because it was a poem but he had bars. But yeah, I definitely still connect with him.”
(MN) “So let’s actually transition into the album here. So tryinNOT2die, what’s the story about the album’s name? How did you come up with the concept?”
(HH) “Just trying not to die, man. *chuckles* The album is based around a quote that I got form a James Baldwin book called “The Fire Next Time.” It’s set up in three parts, but the first part is a letter to his nephew, I believe, who is a young black man. He’s talking to the idea of, like, black heaven. Almost like Black Twitter, like, this is the heaven that you go to and it’s just black people living and thriving as you imagine them to be. I found myself getting super stuck on that idea of a black heaven, what it means, and how black people, more or less, have to look for an afterlife to imagine a good life, or a life that’s sustainable and healthy and not just about survival. It led me through a thought process in which I’m understanding, post everything that happened with Black Lives Matter this past summer, that black people are really only seen as valuable when they are dead. That’s where the spark comes from, that’s where we get the headlines, that’s where we get the attention, and this man (George Floyd) had to die to get a lot of people’s attention about, like, how systematic racism is f*cking up a lot things.”
(HH) “So then I found myself deep inside a of depression that was already because of the pandemic anxiety and I found myself suicidal, which has happened before, but it hit me really tough this year because I was focused on the idea that if I were to pass away, my life would be better. I don’t mean my life, like my current and physical self, but literally like I’d finally be at peace and I wouldn’t have to deal with the chaos of this Earth. So that’s when I started making these songs. The first song I wrote was “Inshallah” and the verse ends with me literally saying ‘I’m trying not to die’ and that’s the album title came from.
(MN) “Would you say you have a favorite song of the project?”
(HH) “Oh yeah, it’s definitely, “Stilllive,” which is the last song of the project. Specifically, the second verse, in which I’m talking about where my physical life actually is, referring to my family, referring to my mental health space, and how I actively decided to take a break form work to take care of my child to be safe, and how music is not a thing that I judge myself on based on my worth, my mental health, and basically how far I’ve grown. That second verse, is some of my favorite writing I’ve ever done and every time I listen to it, it makes me emotional.”
(MN) “What did you learn about yourself through the whole process of making this album?”
(HH) “I learned that I need a f*cking therapist *laughs*.”
(MN) “That’s a good answer *laughs*!”
(HH) “I think that’s the big thing that I got from making the album. After the album released, I realized that I was putting to much of myself into art and I need to go back to school and get my degree. Not only because I realized that making music is very hard to turn a profit in, but also because that’s where I make my connections and things of that sort, so, as a part of wanting to make connection. I think going back to school, learning, as I enjoy to do, and maybe having a useful degree will help me operate in the world a little bit better would help a lot.”
Check out more from hasaniHarris on Bandcamp, Spotify, and Youtube. And you can listen to Logan Michaels’s full interview with hasaniHarris on our Patreon linked below.
Listen to the full hasaniHarris interview on our Patreon.
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Review and interview by: Logan Michael Sawatzke, Writer @imLoganMichaels
Edited by: Eric Martin, Writer/Assistant Editor @eamartin95 and Andrew Perrizo, Owner/Writer @PlaylistTC
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